Tuesday, January 18, 2022

Psychological Siege

       With the advent of the internet and more specifically social media platforms on the internet, we are in the beginning stages of a sort of psychological siege which cannot be ignored. Since the means of mass information distribution can no longer be controlled, simply snipped and nullified on a case by case basis once a “non-approved” source gains too much influence, the cat is now out of the bag in terms of narratives and storylines people have easy access to. This can be seen with the ongoing coronavirus saga, where although people get banned and censored from speaking about effective treatment of the illness as well as the efficacy (or more accurately the lack thereof) of gene therapy rebranded “vaccination”, these points of view and opinions can still spread and remain in the public consciousness. Killing the messenger is going on, perhaps more now than ever, but now everybody has the capacity to be a messenger and no longer rely on institutional support such as magazines, newspapers, television networks, or governmental bodies. This is quite a positive development, as all institutions have revealed themselves to be captured by international capital and not serving a function that is beneficial for the average person with an average person’s job, which is a real job and not reading off marketing material for Pfizer or Moderna.

            With that said, the fact of the matter is that truth, or the sharing of truth, does not particularly matter. It would be comforting to believe that those who go against the accepted corporate-approved mistruths of reality, that those who are willing to martyr themselves in the service of being honest at all costs, that they will be idolized and raised up in stature. It would be quite pleasant to be living in a fairy tale where people who willingly put their reputations and ability to stay employed at risk, that these people would have their careers benefited and they would be benefited for their bravery, but this is not the case.

            While we have entered a world where truth can no longer be kept out of the general public’s view, we have not entered a world in which this means the truth matters. No, instead of some theosophist utopia, where “No Religion Higher Than Truth” reigns supreme, we now exist in a world where the powers that be have dropped the act of truth mattering at all. Truth does not matter, truth does not dictate policy or rules or standards, truth is secondary to power.

            The ruling class is coming to a realization I arrived at many years ago, that it does not matter if the truth is available and easy to access – as long as there can be a price attached to recognizing the truth which is at least mildly inconveniencing to those who publicly recognize the truth. Most people regardless of race, gender, or income are not very intelligent, but that lack of intelligence is overshadowed by their cowardice and inability to stand for anything which might cause them a mild inconvenience.

            The average person does not yet realize that the truth does not matter, that logic and consistency are not rules by which human reality is governed, so you have things like Joe Rogan discussing Ivermectin on his podcast over and over. You have people subscribing to podcasts and substacks of ostensibly right or left wing people. These podcasts and substacks provide journalism and analysis and insight which are accurate and honest in the manner that traditional media as well as most world governments have proven themselves dishonest. Some of these podcasts and substacks are financially successful to a degree which is insane, proving two things: Firstly, that the average person genuinely desires the truth, and secondly that the average person is living under the delusion that if the “truth gets out there” and “lies are exposed”, then the increasingly deranged nightmare that we are living in will somehow end. This is, of course, completely incorrect: the truth doesn’t matter.

            What is coming is not some sort of renaissance of truth or enlightenment, but rather a drawn out, multi-decade process in which even the most rose-glasses optimist dullard slowly comes to grips that their favorite writer or podcaster, no matter how accurately they describe the world or expose corruption and lies, is just like them: completely impotent and incapable of turning analysis or observation into real world transformation. The man screaming two plus two equals four is technically correct, but the man screaming two plus two equals four in a world where all the powers that be insist two plus two equals five will never be able to make the media or the government (the same thing) state the truth.

            What is coming is not some sort of revolution or reorganization of society in which the truth tellers are put in charge, but rather a creeping nihilistic despair for the person capable of critical thought – which is increasingly an exception since income and career opportunities are increasingly linked to walking in lockstep with increasingly deranged and farcical untruths. For those capable of taking stock of reality as it is rather than how they would prefer it to be, soon it will be completely impossible to hide the fact that the “plucky underdog” does not win in the real world, even if the “plucky underdog” is completely right and their opponents are transparently dishonest and abusive. For most people, this sort of realization will break them psychologically. To realize that you can’t win if you’re honorable, that the “good guys” aren’t really a thing, that life is a meatgrinder that isn’t rewarding honesty or integrity, to realize all of this is to suck the wind out of the sails of most people, because most people need to believe that their work is for a good purpose, that they are part of the nonexistent “good guys” in history.

            The psychological siege that has begun and will last for generations is the final culling of those with a backbone or spine. No longer will ignorance really exist for those who are well meaning and capable and intelligent, the internet has removed the walled gardens of existence that allowed for people to work inside the system and retain their sense of “being a good person”, a sense that is required for any sort of inspired or optimistic project. Now, if you are somebody with a good job or good standing in the traditional, established world, you must consciously choose to look the other way, consciously choose to lie by omission about the abuses that are happening to people you know are better than you, more talented than you, more qualified than you, because those people have chosen to have a spine and stand up for the truth, and been marginalized for it.

            The societies of every first and second world country are now selecting for people psychologically similar to Judas, people who will sell out their friends and family and allow them to be punished for telling the truth, as long as Judas is allowed to collect a paycheck and participate in society. What sort of world is being created? Not one where honesty is valued, where daring to be excellent or stand up for beliefs is valued, but rather a society of ants.

            This essay is not to suggest some course of action or to pretend there is any way out of what is happening and will continue to happen, but rather to be a sort of snapchat from a non-participant in what is occurring. I am on the wrong side of the psychological siege, so are more of my friends, and so are all the people I respect as equals. I have lost the ability to honestly discuss anything beyond facile topics with most friends and family, I look around me and all I see are people who are not wearing non-effective facemasks, but rather people who are wearing mental gimp-suits and ball gags. I am surrounded by those who have surrendered their individuality for the “benefit” of being accepted by equally powerless people who have surrendered their individuality. There’s nothing to be done at this point, the infrastructure has been built and participation in the vast majority of reality is contingent on being psychologically pegged and turnt out by abusive incestuous pimps. Now approaches a long dark winter of dull-eyed bovines in human form.

Sunday, December 5, 2021

The Implosion of Bitcoin

             It’s an open secret that there is a large amount of fraud in the cryptocurrency space. From explicit scams to weird convoluted “bugs” placed into smart contracts that magically get found soon after their creation, enabling “mysterious hackers” (the people who wrote the smart contracts) to drain millions of dollars from said smart contracts, cryptocurrency has a well-deserved reputation as being linked to criminals and other people of low moral character. This is not really the topic of this essay and is not really meant as an insult against cryptocurrency, but rather a short objective overview of the space and the way it is viewed by those outside of the space as well as those interested and participating in cryptocurrency markets who have retained some objectivity.

            I have been extremely interested in cryptocurrency since I first hear about it back in 2013, even going so far as to be actively involved on the BitcoinTalk forums, various IRC channels, and even a few very early proof of stake and stablecoin projects. As time has gone on, I’ve watched the space evolve and become more complex in terms of technical capabilities, but also devolve and largely become the domain of people who would otherwise be selling multi-level marketing courses or becoming lifecoaches in hopes of turning a failed, wasted life into something successful. While this last observation is a bit of a direct insult, I am still very interested in cryptocurrency as a technology as well as its impacts on the world as a whole.

            With the two prior paragraphs out of the way, I will now get to the meat of this essay, which is that I suspect the implosion of bitcoin as well as the entire cryptocurrency space may be a few years or a decade out, at most. This implosion is not because I see bitcoin or cryptocurrency as a whole as technologically unsound, but rather because of what these technological systems will be displacing if they succeed: fiat currency and the masters of fiat currency.

            If there is anything I have learned over the last decade of creative and entrepreneurial endeavors, it is that reality is rigged to an absurd degree. There are proles that make it big, creatives that make it big, people who are not born into wealth who make it big, but these are generally exceptions that prove the rule. The entire social situation in America is one of illusionary freedom. You can do what you want and say what  you want as long as you have no influence or reach, but once you start getting influence and reach you find yourself surrounded by gangsters and corrupt nodes of authority that will essentially knock you back to square one and force you to start all over unless what you are expressing is already in line with the regime in power. The “dominant values” of society are only dominant because anybody who does not agree with them who is successful will find their reputation libeled, their ability to participate in social platforms repeatedly taken away, and sometimes even thrown in prison or all their assets seized by the federal government. This sounds hyperbolic but it is not, I know multiple people who have not done anything wrong who are now unable to use the banking system or access their cash, or have been charged with federal crimes they are not guilty of but will still end up in prison as a result.

            If the social scene in “the first world” is so rigged and corrupt, I have no doubt that the financial scene is rigged and corrupt to an even more extreme degree. The free and open internet was a real thing and promising thing until the free and open internet began to displace the influence of establishment institutions, now the free and open internet is more of a joke phrase than any sort of thing that exists. It is my opinion that bitcoin and cryptocurrency will eventually suffer the same fate once they become a real threat to the institutions that issue and control money, because the institutions that issue and control money simply derive too much power from said activities to let themselves get replaced.

            It has long been theorized that central bank digital currencies, or CBDCs, are planned. This makes sense to me, as everywhere I look it appears that traditional currencies are being gangbanged and abused to the point where it seems the people running them are not really planning on keeping them around for a long time. CBDCs are not really an improvement over traditional currencies, they are just digital versions of rigged games that, in their digital form, will make taxation and tracking as well as other mechanisms of social control (UBI in exchange for following arbitrary rules and guidelines that are related to social behavior) much easier. CBDCs are essentially the same old system of control, upgraded to a degree which will further cement existing power structures.

            CBDCs are technologically inferior to cryptocurrencies. They will inflate and contract and dance to whatever tune the people at the helm of them decide to play, whenever they decide to play them. Cryptocurrencies are filled with fraud and scams and seedy characters, but the ones that end up lasting long term will generally be straightforward and honest in how they function. This straightforward honesty is a flaw, not a feature, for the people at the top of the hierarchy. The people running things, the people with armies and more money than God, are not interested in playing a fair game – and why should they be? These people have all the power, all the influence, and all the money flowing in their direction. The game that the truly successful play is not a game of winning anything new, but rather the game of ensuring they never lose anything they have, which is everything.

            For the reasons stated above, the implosion of bitcoin and cryptocurrency as a whole is most likely inevitable at this point. Whether this implosion is in five years or twenty years or fifty years is not clear to me, because I think this implosion – more accurately a controlled demolition – will occur not based on time benchmarks, but rather influence benchmarks. Once cryptocurrency is successful enough to the point where it represents a genuine threat to any sort of established power, once crytpocurrency has swallowed up enough capital that it is many multiples larger than it already is, then it makes sense to me that various governments and legal arms of those governments will swing into action to a degree that destroys the original dream of cryptocurrency, which is decentralized exchange of value in a secure and verifiable manner not relying on any country or country’s leaders in order to function.

            How will bitcoin and cryptocurrency be demolished? The farther out the demolishing, the harder it gets to predict in terms of names and specifics, but the most likely demolishing seems to me to be related to fraud, more specifically Tether. Another fairly open secret in the cryptocurrency space is that Tether, a stablecoin pegged at 1USD per coin, is most likely completely fraudulent. Every time there is a flash crash in bitcoin, billions of Tether are magically summoned into existence. This is most likely used to buy up bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies and prevent a chain reaction of liquidations which would implode bitcoin and the entire market.

            In my opinion, this is what’s happening with Tether and things like Tether: the cryptocurrency markets are purposely being inflated and secured in a fraudulent manner. Bitcoin is essentially being propped up and “cushioned” by imaginary money soas to prevent it from going through natural boom-bust cycles which would allow it to be fundamentally sound. Tether is being “baked in” to the cryptocurrency scene to a degree that is scary, as the more it is a cornerstone of cryptocurrency, the more the overall health of cryptocurrency is contingent on Tether not being fraudulent – which seems to be an increasingly absurd proposition.

            At a certain point, the USD’s inflation will increase to a degree which is untenable. Most first world economies are already in seeming death spirals, but we are in the calm before the storm. When things get really genuinely bad, a point we are nowhere near, money will increasingly flow into bitcoin and cryptocurrency at a breakneck speed. This will create a feedback loop of these things gaining in value and becoming increasingly seen as an escape for people who see no other escape. At this point is when I suspect a controlled demolition of cryptocurrency will take place.

            When it looks like bitcoin and cryptocurrency have succeeded in supplanting traditional power structures, that is when I think the fatal blows against bitcoin and cryptocurrency will be delivered. Tether, the cornerstone of decentralized finance, will be imploded and panic will set in with its implosion. Bitcoin and the entire cryptocurrency market will enter freefall and make many seemingly rich people into definitely poor people over night. Many people who put their capital into crypto as a means to protect their savings will wake up to poverty.

            The human interest angle of the implosion is the most important aspect of this whole process. There will need to be lots of carnage, lots of proles who have lost all their money, lots of despair and confusion, lots of weeping and gnashing of teeth. The reason this is so important is that there needs to be some “disaster” or “tragedy” that is so vivid to the average person that the average person becomes supportive of bitcoin and cryptocurrency as a whole being shut down and banned in a legal manner. The fact that markets are things completely different than the technical aspects of bitcoin and cryptocurrency will be obfuscated and lied about, and the human misery of the crash will be highlighted and focused on until it is illegal to participate in cryptocurrency. Once this is all done, then CBDCs will have no competition and the people at the top of the societal hierarchy will continue their reign of terror and abuse unimpeded.

            This is all speculative and just my opinion, but it is the path that makes the most sense to me as far as cryptocurrency goes. I hope that I am wrong, that this is all the product of an overactive imagination, but I don’t really see people with power over finances giving up their power over finances. Life experience has taught me that games are rigged and generational success is something that is not allowed for most of the population. This is not to say not to participate in speculation related to cryptocurrency, I will continue doing so as if I don’t believe what I have just written. It is better to behave as if life is not rigged and success is directly correlated to hard work, even if both of those things are not true at all, because the alternative is to dwell in despair and hopelessness.

Wednesday, November 17, 2021


            When a community is screwed up, when it is starting to fall apart, wise leaders do their best to stop the community from being screwed up. The longer a community remains screwed up, the more antisocial behaviors like crime and homelessness become normalized. As time goes on, if the situation is not fixed, the functional and successful members of the area will begin to leave and find other, non-screwed up, areas to live and conduct business in. If the “haves” in the community are displeasured with the situation but do not wish to move, they will begin to campaign and organize in order to replace the leaders with new leaders who will enact policies and move around resources in a manner that pulls their community out of its decay and increasing dysfunction.

            What happens when a community is so screwed up that it can no longer be fixed? What happens when anti-social elements are prevalent and established enough that the productive and successful members of society have no real influence or even potential for influence anymore? Look around you anywhere in the Western world. That is what has occurred. Systemic, mechanistic forces have arranged societies and communities in such a manner that there is no proper or healthy way to prevent decline. The only game for those in power is not how to fix communities or make them prosper, but rather how to keep the increasingly unruly, unhealthy, anti-social mob that makes up most of the population pacified and incapable of expressing their discontent.

            Legalization of drugs and prostitution is what has begun for Western countries. This is not an increase of freedom that is being pushed on the population out of love, but rather disdain and castration of the will. Most people are not suited to have access to drugs and sex for money, especially not in the context of a failing economy and an increasingly fraying social fabric, because most people will latch onto these things to self-medicate away their despair and depression rather than doing anything that might get them out of subpar communities and living standards. Still, in a sociopathic sense, legalization of drugs that numb the pain of an unhappy and unsuccessful life makes sense – at least to the ruling class.

            Marijuana is being legalized in America because America is rotting and become a psychological torture chamber for most people, not because of any goodwill by any politician. Instead of getting angry and doing something violent or dangerous for those in power, smoke a blunt or eat edibles and become catatonic in the apartment you can barely afford because your job barely pays enough to make rent. Get high to cope with the lack of opportunity you have, the depression and mental illness you see all around you, and stay high so you sit on your couch in your free time instead of becoming a hassle to those born into wealth and privilege.

            Right now it is marijuana that is being legalized. Soon it will be LSD and magic mushrooms and other sorts of drugs that make you OK with not being OK. These drugs are not inherently evil or bad to use in their proper context, but they are not harmless or passive things that should be normalized and available in the same way caffeine is normalized and available. These drugs need to be used on a non-habitual, conscious basis, and even then they carry risks.

            The future of America is one where people don’t have opportunities for upward mobility, where maintaining whatever circumstances you were born into is the new upward mobility. But hey, if you’re high all the time, if you have easy access to prostitutes, if your mind is constantly being reconfigured by hallucinogens, you won’t have the energy to express discontent. You might not even notice that you can’t afford a standard of living that your parents had, even though you work longer hours and do more than your parents ever did.

            Don’t notice that your food is increasingly artificial and it costs more than when it was natural, don’t notice that your kids are increasingly deformed and mentally ill, don’t notice that you have not advanced in life despite working hard and playing by the rules – get high! Don’t notice that the banks are buying up all the houses, that tech founders are buying up all the land, that pharmaceutical companies are funding all the news that is telling you to take drugs from those pharmaceutical companies – get high!

            What do you get when your country is dying and your leaders are so far removed from the communities they lead that they don’t even care about increasing crime or crumbling infrastructure? You get weed, LSD, magic mushrooms, prostitution, gambling, and every other vice that allows people in misery to self-lobotomize and self-castrate. You get a parasitical managerial class sucking the life out of its host organism and plying the host organism with physical and mental sedatives in order to keep the host organism impotent and weak. That is where we are now and it is only going to get worse and worse.

            Enjoy your new freedoms. Enjoy the ability to get fucked up in the head and “explore different states of consciousness” in a legal manner. Just know that these new freedoms are not in addition to the freedoms of a functioning, healthy society in which you can succeed without fraud or nepotism, but rather in place of those freedoms. The freedom to self-harm and chemically gimp yourself is not being given to you as some innocent and kindhearted gift, it is being given to you so you don’t notice that your life is getting worse, your opportunities are disappearing, and your kids will be growing up in a dysfunctional and unhappy and unsafe environment that will enslave and torture and mock and degrade them to an increasing degree.

Saturday, November 6, 2021


     The modern existence is one where things are going wrong. Pay attention to anything with any degree of focus and you will notice the rot and decay and how everything with regards to whatever you’re paying attention to seems to be going wrong in some way. There is no institution or social group that seems to be flourishing or growing in a healthy manner. This time can accurately be summed up with the word “condemned.”

            Work hard, don’t work at all, live healthily, live unhealthily, but whenever you stop to look around you, you will see that you seem to be condemned just like everything around you seems to be condemned. The American experiment in addition the modern world as a whole has reached the point to where the consequences of actions are catching up, and the consequences are not flattering or inspiring. Constriction is here, avenues for success and happiness are contracting, and constipation hangs in the air.

            The old world, the one that has existed for the entirety of human history, is on its way out. It has been superseded by a new one that has not yet established itself. The psychic economy is eating the physical economy and redistributing resources in a manner completely indifferent to the disastrous human consequences to such redistribution of resources. We are in an evolutionary bottleneck. As a result, there is confusion and despair that underwrites everything. A great molting is occurring, but what is molting? Everything is molting. Everything is being shed. No pretty lies will be spared. The traditional understanding of life, what drives most people, what most people are working for and towards, all of these things are marked for destruction and completely condemned.

            Having friends and family and loved ones at this point is a bit like a man on death row passing the time before his execution with others on death row also passing the time before their execution. Twiddle your thumbs in your cell or work a career and start a family in your cell, but in your cell you remain. The execution day inches closer and closer, it doesn’t matter what you do while you’re in your cell.

            None of the power structures that are identified and have some sort of stature or reputation make it out of this century alive. No country or company that survives to 2100 will look like what they currently look like. As the technological exoskeleton grows, the radius of power for those with power shrinks. Determinism has always been correct, condemned has always been the word to describe everything, but the airy and muddling abstractions that hid this from the human understanding are being removed at an exponentially increasing rate. The abyss and it being the final location for love, passion, and hope becomes less occluded with each passing year.

            We are all on death row, condemned to die. The games we play, which some play better than others, to distract ourselves from this fact, these games are being taken away from us. Unfortunately, most people are not built to be able to internalize the futility of everything. The last few years of humanity writhing in agony and lashing out haphazardly proves this. As our games are stripped away, a madness and refusal to embrace the inevitable end takes their place. Because most people are not living any sort of real life, most people refuse to embrace death.

            We are in a nightclub and the nightclub is on fire. There are a few small exits, but what waits outside the exit is a cold and dark starless night. Most people inside this nightclub will do everything they can to prevent you from reaching the exit if they ever see you making your way to the exit. It’s hot in here, but as long as the crowd remains in here, it’s not lonely and not leaving is not something which feels like a judgment against the individual. I don’t have to feel bad about dying if everybody around me is dying. If everybody is doomed, then it is not a mark against my personal character that I am doomed.

            Eat, drink, and be miserable, for this world is condemned. The values and narratives which make up human understanding are completely illusory phantasms that have only existed in the comfortable buffer of excess that is now on its way out. The old economy, not just one country’s economy but the whole world’s economy, and everything downstream from the economy – which is literally everything – is a dead beast in which resides a new and living beast that is eating it and preparing to burst through the old, dead beast. Play your games, collect your trinkets, buy your houses, stack your cash, and kiss your loved ones, because all of this is marked for destruction and condemned.

            There are those who will escape the condemnation that hangs in the air, but these will not be heroes as heroes are seen today. These will be abusers, sociopaths, psychopaths, and the misanthropes of humanity who have no illusions about the nature of reality. Non-localized generalized empathy is all that people understand as empathy anymore. In order to function in this dying world, in order to garner any sort of positive reputation and participate in the increasingly rotten and deranged mass psychosis that makes up society, an individual must be deluded and moronic or know how to appear deluded and moronic. Improper taboos and beliefs completely divorced from the reality of cause and effect are the driving forces for today’s condemned world.

            To those that escape the death we are all marked for will exist a new sort of death, an internal one. Nobody can escape from certain thoughts and realizations as to reality’s cold indifference and the illusionary nature of the “sanctity of life” after watching the vast majority of that which is like them meet some horrible fate. What will emerge from the ending of this age is a caste of cruelly self-aware upper caste that does not believe in any sort of human value system that currently exists. Instead, what these people will believe will be dark and evil to a degree that is impossible to describe in the confines of this essay.

            We are all condemned to fail in the near future. Those of us who reject this judgment will be breaking the rules and standards of life to a degree which fundamentally changes our self-conception in an irreversible manner. You can’t cheat death without being transforming into something inhuman. Death is coming for all of us and all we care about, those of us who escape and live past our condemnation will never be able to return to comforting lies and passive participation and innocent cooperation that most people identify with. Whether living past the date of condemnation is good or not, whether being profane and refusing to die with the rest of humanity is good or not, remains to be seen.

Saturday, October 30, 2021


             Everywhere I look, I see ghosts. These are not Casper the Friendly Ghost or empty sheets that silently float by, but rather not quite living, not quite dead, people. These ghosts have names and feelings, hopes and fears, but their hopes have been crushed by the world and left them shells of humans. These ghosts gave it their best, were not lazy or stupid, but they were rejected and cast aside by everybody who could fulfill their most basic human desires.

            Most people know ghosts. Ghosts are that highschool friend who got mixed up in a bad crowd and is in now in prison for selling drugs, or the homeless man they see sitting on some sidewalk begging for change on a cold November night in the city, but nothing really personal. These are ghosts, not people anymore. These ghosts are living, but their life is not anything resembling the basic things we all strive to have. There is no place for ghosts in the current paradigm, so they live in the margins of society or are locked away.

            When I was in the psych ward I saw dozens of ghosts housed together. These ghosts were medicated and given pudding cups and hospital food and television to pass the time. These ghosts would be visited by non-ghosts, namely their family members, every so often for an hour or two. The family members would talk to the ghosts, sometimes bring offerings to the ghosts in the form of food or snacks, but this was more for the benefit of the family members rather than the ghosts. By bringing offerings, the living humans, the humans allowed to go outside and live their life in society instead of being locked up and medicated, were able to avoid feeling bad about the living conditions of the ghosts they had blood relations to. The family members would leave and go on about their day in the real world – meanwhile the ghosts in the psych ward would return to watching mindless television and having their minds lobotomized by antipsychotics and barren, lifeless, recycled air.

            I know a lot of internet ghosts, those who have tried to “make it” online and had the best years of their life siphoned away without any payoff. The human mind is not really meant to labor away in solitude for years and then fail, at least not a typical human mind. Creative work on the internet is a good way to become a ghost.

The strangest part of the internet is that ghosts here do not really disappear in the same way that ghosts disappear offline. Instead internet ghosts are never really sure that they’re ghosts until it’s far too late for them to do something else with their potential. The internet is like a slot machine of sorts, you never know if the next pull of the machine is going to be the one that turns up 777 and moves you from the status of nobody to somebody. The successful internet slot machine pulls are so spread out that it’s functionally worse to succeed sometimes than to never succeed at all, because any benefits from the first successful internet pull will wear off and leave you worse off than when you started long before you get a successful second pull.

The digital age is a malevolent one, where ghosts can no longer die, where those of us who are not ghosts – not yet – are constantly haunted by them. For me, somebody successful with my creative endeavors to some small degree, there is always a reminder that most of the people I’ve seen working on projects similar to mine will never get anywhere near to where I’ve gotten – through no fault of my own. My own success is not all that great or impressive, I’m in some sort of limbo where turning into a ghost seems just as likely at times as not turning into a ghost.

Ghosts surround me with every waking moment. They brush against my shoulder, rubbing against me. I can feel them there, but not really, reminding me that I’m not fundamentally any different than them, I’ve just lucked into a position that allows me to keep myself from being a ghost for the foreseeable future. The ghosts call to me when I’m feeling particularly abject or tired, telling me to give up and stop my struggling. The ghosts tell me to stop working on creative projects, to give up on the freedom that I’ve had tastes of, and get some bullshit job that provides me financial security and perhaps even the ability to relax in exchange for this creative endeavor that bleeds into my dreams and makes it impossible for me to ever relax.

 All ages are filled with ghosts, but ours is the first one in which ghosts are forced to be around those who are not ghosts. For whatever success I eventually achieve, there will be ghosts I’m still in contact with forced to see me enjoying my success and forced to wonder why they are not the ones enjoying my success. These are the living ghosts, tortured and punished for not making some amorphous and constantly shifting, unfair and illegitimate standard. These living ghosts are haunted by us: the living who managed to hang on to some form of delusional hope or dream. These ghosts have to wake up and face every morning knowing that they took their shot – and their shot missed.

I am haunted by the ghosts that are no longer around. Friends and people in my spheres who are dead from drug overdoses or suicide periodically drift into my consciousness. These people were all dealt a bad hand in life, forgotten and not supported by society or their loved ones, or else they wouldn’t have made the choices that ultimately cut their existences short. How can I get up each day and pretend that this world that I’m living in, that we’re all living in, is worth living in? It’s obviously not. This is a slaughterhouse, not any sort of humane experience worth glorifying. There are moments of joy and affection, but these moments are drowned out by the gallons of blood that constantly wash over me when I take a shower. The good food I eat, the adoration I receive in excess, these things turn acidic and curdle in my stomach. They remind me of ghosts.

Thursday, July 29, 2021

Attention Span

 Did you know the average person’s attention span has dropped to an attention span that is lower than the attention span a goldfish has? Did you know that car accidents actually increased in 2020 compared to years prior, despite most travel decreasing due to COVID lockdowns and jobs removing commutes in favor of telecommuting? Did you know you can say whatever you want and do whatever you want without any consequences if you quickly do something or say something immediately following it that jolts any observers in a way they don’t expect? Pay attention! Did you know all of this stuff is really connected in a seriously funny way? Or maybe a funnily serious way? Probably not.

            A fact that most people will be unable to admit or realize is that very few people are masters of their fate. Most people, most family members, most friends, most CEOs, most politicians, most bankers, most people regardless of race, gender, age, socioeconomic status, sexuality, religion, or geographic region are just goldfish mentally, but not normal goldfish, goldfish with severe mental deficiencies.

            What is the reason for this? Ease of survival, technology, biology, society, food sources, lack of exercise, and a near infinite amount of reasons can be described, but those are just phenomenological. The real reason is human nature, most people become enslaved over time by whatever “nice things” they manage to get or make or steal, because most people are slaves by their very nature. Most people hurt themselves by doing well, and only have some semblance of competency or self-discipline because their external environment makes them have some semblance of competency or self-discipline. Social media has demonstrated this fact quite nicely.

            What difference does it make to your life if Trump or Biden is president. What difference does it make if you’re allowed to say racial slurs or wear a MAGA hat in public? If you can be honest, which most people can’t, you’ll admit it makes literally no difference. It’s nice to say bad words or wear what you want or win a game (politics is a game – and a stupid one) just to see people you don’t like lose the game and laugh at them, but none of this stuff is really important or honestly impactful with regards to your quality of life. If you think it is, you have a shorter attention span than a goldfish. Pay attention!

            When you have an attention span that is inferior to a goldfish, you are incapable of doing anything serious. You’re also incapable of doing anything unserious. You get tossed about like a ragdoll, abused and mistreated by people who have managed to get attention spans that are longer than a goldfish’s attention span. People like me, just slightly different as these people are malicious and not trying to help you out. Pay attention!

            You don’t have to be inferior to a goldfish. You don’t have to feel bad or worried about the future. You don’t have to pay attention to the news. You don’t have to think some election is going to change your life. You don’t have to be miserable. But only if you can trick yourself into not having the attention span of a moron. This is not really a guide on how to do this, as how to get yourself able to genuinely focus for longer than a few seconds is something that is different for each person, and if I was selling you something to get you to do this then I’d just be abusing you, but it is a wakeup call of sorts: Pay attention.

            I can’t make you fix yourself. No guru can fix you. No book or essay or politician or religious leader or drug can fix you. These things can help point you in the right direction, like I’m trying to do right now, but you have to be the one to fix yourself. Don’t trust anybody who says they have all your solutions. Trust yourself. Take responsibility for your life. Take responsibility for yourself. Quit waiting for some superhero or magic event that fixes all your problems, the only superheroes or magic events that are coming are increasingly sadistic and evil, and the longer you wait for them… the worse they will be for you. Pay attention!

            Pay attention, please, before you end up in hell. Most of you are already partially in hell. No woman, no drugs, no movement is going to fix your problems. No sex, no promotion, no external respect or accolade is going to fix your problems. Nobody but you is capable of fixing your problems. Man up, or woman up, and take control of your life. How do you do this? It’s different for everybody, and it’s confusing and extremely hard at the beginning, and you’ll be accused of increasingly horrible things by goldfish brains (crabs in a bucket) who get bizarrely bitter and suspicious of you the more you free yourself of being a slave, but you also will care less and less what these losers think until you find their jabs and jeers and threats ridiculous. Pay attention to yourself!

            Be honest with yourself. That’s all you need to do. You don’t need to buy anything or follow anybody, not me or anybody. Stop spending your time and energy trying to distract yourself from how miserable and sick and sad you feel, and really just embrace those feelings and stew in them and realize you feel those things for a real reason. Then work on getting rid of those real reasons, fixing those real reasons, and mitigating those real reasons. Once again, this is a vague framework and not a step by step guide because the process is different for each person. Once again, nobody can do this for you but you, nobody besides you can get you off the road to hell that you and all the other goldfish brains are on. Take inspiration from and talk with good people who have done this, but realize they’re not your savior or parent or guardian, and anybody pretending to be that way is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, somebody who is just turning you into a toy for them to abuse. Your success will be your success and you will get the rewards from it only if you really know you are the one who succeeded, and not some cult leader on twitter who has you paying them a subscription and is larping as God while abusing people. Pay attention to yourself before your attention span gets even worse! Good luck, or bad luck, I don’t really care.

Sunday, July 25, 2021

Worshipping Feelings

 Something I have realized over the past few weeks and months is that most people do not really care about anyone else, and that the people who are more apt to proclaim or present themselves that they do are more apt to be abusers or predators. It’s a tired and worn trope that “nice guys” and “male feminists” are all either rapists or sexual abusers, but it’s tired and worn because this is the case more often than not. The act they put on, their inability to be willfully cruel or have a backbone, is something they present because they are like a strip club or casino which puts attractive lights and sensuous iconography on their external shell to hide that they are just trying to lure in victims.

            Most people, male or female, are not capable of love. When they’re “in love” or “love somebody”, they are really just enjoying the emotions they are feeling inside their head. They are not happy for or content that they could generate positive feelings inside of somebody else’s head, because they don’t care about the other person outside of that person being a prop. If they found themselves in a position where they could get away with leaving the “person they love” for some stronger and more pleasurable feeling without running any risk of being punished for their betrayal, 99% of people would easily and instantly do this. They might “feel bad” about it, but even that is a lie they tell themselves. They pathologize this completely reasonable and logical feeling of being a bad person who is horrible, and then turn it into some “guilt” that needs to be overcome, instead of embraced and accepted.

            Most people like me or find me charming, not because they actually like me or find me charming, but because they worship their feelings like they should worship God. They say I’m smart, not because they have any conception of intelligence, but because I communicate things in a manner in which people feel delight in their brains that makes them feel good, and anything that makes them feel good or clever must mean the other person is smart. I’m quite foolish and idiotic, I’ve done far more stupid things in even my childhood and even now than most high IQ people will ever do in their entire life. I know I’m not smart, I know I’m not special, that’s why I am so effortlessly able to weave together various threads of logic and intuition into something that gets called smart. I don’t worship my emotions, so I get worshipped by people who do worship their emotions. I struggle every day to be honest about my emotions internally, and then consider how they’re warping my perception of reality. I feel like I’m going crazy most of the time, but somehow my behavior is more lucid and clever than 99% of people because of that.

            Most people are slaves to their emotions. Look around you. This world runs on blood money. Churches and Temples exist in societies that are completely antithetical to their ostensible beliefs and standards. Nearly everything is the opposite of what it claims to be. Jails make people more likely to commit crime, psych wards make people more crazy than when they went in, police make neighborhoods more unsafe, doctors make their patients sicker, loving people enslave their partners for glorification of the self, religions push “God” while happily enabling societies that murder babies and push filth on children and sex work on women and encourage men to hurt each other. This whole thing is a sick joke.

            I literally can’t be honest to most people, because I learned from a young age that honesty gets me punished and hurts people as people are incapable of being honest. When I lie to people, when I say things that make them feel good but are harmful, people love me. They think I’m a great person, they see me as some saint. When I’m honest and try to help people, they think I’m judging them or accusing them of something or saying I’m superior to them rather than trying to share a helpful perspective to somebody I’m trying to treat how I treat myself. This is not the case with everybody, but it is the case with everybody who is not a creative and is rich, successful, popular, or supposedly smart or respectable.

            This whole thing can’t last. We have reached an inflexion point. The lies have built up to a breaking point. The weather is literally saying this if you know how to see clearly. Society increasingly resembles some insane person’s sadistic mockery of what society could be like if most people were capable of not worshipping their feelings, of recognizing their feelings as “noise” that warps their perception of themselves as well as their reality. It’s fine to have noise, but only in the context of understanding what the signal beneath the noise is, not what nearly everybody I see is doing, which is beginning to believe the noise is the signal. This is the beginning of the end for most people, because most people are legitimately insane powder kegs just a few nudges away from doing explicitly horrible external things to each other in the hopes of assuaging their internal neurosis that keeps to be building and building at an exponential rate. Look around you, not with eyes that are looking to see how you can build an environment that makes you feel good all the time, but with eyes that want to see reality for what it is. And reality is hell, or increasingly resembling what humans conjure up the idea of hell being, which is something that makes them feel bad internally, because humans worship internal feelings which are mirages rather than real things which actually exist.

            It must be stated, for both my own benefit and amusement, that I am doing quite well in life. I’ve never felt more content or at peace. I am not going to do anything about the stuff I said except talk about it when I feel is appropriate. I’m not going to try to stop what is inevitable, even though I know it would make me feel good to try to stop the inevitable and it makes me feel really sick and horrible when I think about what the future holds for people who worship human feelings inside them and confuse those feelings for something profound. I hate what is going on, what most people are like, and how most people are like. I will enjoy it when this whole charade implodes, because suffering and pain are what most people deserve and that is what they will get, but I will also be tortured in my own way, which is having control over my emotions and not getting caught up in the bloodlust and chaos that is just around the corner. People thought 2021 with Corona mandates was bad, that was nothing. Being forced to relax and spend less time in restaurants is not torture. What is coming will make lockdown and mask mandates look like spring break.

            The worshippers of feelings who have created this world and all its deranged inverted value systems are completely insane at this point. Their logic is the logic of somebody who is completely out of touch with reality or the truth. They should be content and happy now, they have nice cars and houses and easy food and travel and the internet, but they’re increasingly mentally ill and miserable. They are hurting  themselves and trying to hurt people like me, but too stupid to do it because they can’t even model what I value or what is important to me, because they are blind lemmings running off a cliff thinking they are God. This is the beginning of the end for this world, not in the sense that most people think, but in a very real, very tangible, very horrible and very insane manner which will undo all the deranged and evil value systems that now hold all positions of power and influence in literally everything institutional and established in a “respectable” or “prestigious” manner.

            Once again, this is not something I’m writing in distress or due to being upset or angry. As I write this, I’m perfectly calm and lucid. I’m not worried about myself, as I know I’ll be fine. It is not accusing anybody of anything, it is just being as honest as I can knowing full well there will be people who see this and make snarky comments or think that I’m having a mental breakdown. I went crazy and had a psychotic break in 2017 while everybody else seemed sane, now I’m feeling completely sane, life is going well for me, and I’m watching the entire world go crazy and have a psychotic break. I’ll help the world as well as they helped me when I had problems. I'll just do it in a willful, conscious manner instead of worshipping my feelings. I don't care about saving stuff or people I find evil.